October 21 is a somber day on which we honor the memory of one of acting’s greatest forces of talent on what would have been her 68th birthday. The dynamo actress Carrie Fisher is known by most for her iconic role as Princess Leia in the Star Wars film franchise, and known as “mom” to fellow actress Billie Lourd. The legendary actress’s only child posted a moving and emotional tribute to her late mother on Instagram, describing the vastness of grief.
Lourd poured her heart out in the caption of an old photo of her mother blowing out the candles on a past birthday cake. The Scream Queens actress lamented over how difficult birthdays of passed loved ones can be, and how it is different every year. She stated that while she wants to take her mother’s birthday as a time dedicated to celebrating her mother’s life, but that some years it’s harder to celebrate when sadness or anger are at the forefront of Lourd’s mind.
“On my mom’s birthday every year, I try to celebrate her as much as possible, but today I really wanted to celebrate her with her. Some years my grief makes me feel the warmth of her love, some years it makes me angry, some years I feel numb but today when I woke up I just felt sad. I didn’t want to celebrate, I just wanted my mom.”
Lourd mentioned in her post that her mother died too young, from her constant battle with drug addiction. As the daughter of actress Debbie Reynolds and singer-actor Eddie Fisher, Carrie Fisher never had a normal life. Fisher struggled not only with a drug addiction, but also with bipolar disorder, as well as the pressures of living a life in the limelight. Lourd wanted to take what would have been her mother’s 68th birthday as a chance to express her multifaceted grief and a message for those with loved ones struggling from addiction.
“But while she was alive she always shared the ups and downs of that struggle with others in hopes it would help them escape their own addiction. As an addict, being open about the struggle is the only way through. And same goes for those of us affected by that struggle. Sending my love to anyone out there who has lost someone to drug addiction. You are not alone.”
Finding Strength in Remembering the Struggle of Those Before Us
The death of a loved one can knock even the strongest to their knees, and Lourd is no stranger to those defeated feelings. However, like she said in her message, she values sharing her struggle in grief with others so that they might find some strength in knowing that they’re not alone. Even if it’s been eight years since her tragic passing, the beacon of light that was Carrie Fisher still manages to inspire and affect those she left behind.
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While Lourd has said that she’d like to return to the franchise her mother co-starred in, others close to Fisher feel differently. Mark Hamill, known for his performance as Princess Leia’s twin brother Luke Skywalker, has said that he does not like to revisit the franchise after her passing because it is not the same.
“My wife came into the bedroom, she gets up earlier than I do, I was still asleep, and tears streaming down her face, saying that ‘Carrie didn’t make it.’ It forever altered how I reacted to Star Wars in general. The heart was gone. I don’t talk about it because I don’t like reliving it.”